Perhaps you been there.
Sometimes people break up and get back together again, even when they both swore that they never would. People change. That’s a given in real life and it’s one of the most powerful elements of a good romance story. You just never know what the leads will end up doing.
Not everyone who goes back to the old love will succeed though, and from what I’ve observed among people I know is that the odds are that the relationship will break up the second time – and it may not take very long for that to occur.
Why anyone goes back to the old love.
Comfort. Convenience. Caution. Those are my Three Cs of the on again/off again loves. Here’s the details about all of them:
The old love may not be what you really want or even like anymore, but it’s comforting that after X number of years it’s still there.
You know what you have with this person and you don’t have to go out into the world trying to find that special one, because when it comes to seeking out the one who is truly right for you, most of us do not have a clue as to where to begin.
You’re also used to same-old same-old, like it or not, and what you think of as comfortable is nothing more than a rut. But when it comes to finding reasons to stay, you are simple not facing the real facts. You’re just looking for excuses.
This is a spinoff of the comfort reason above, only there is a spirit of downright laziness here. You don’t want to have to go out and start again with another person. And that’s the truth of the matter.
It’s a lot of work and trouble and there’s that period of getting to know each other that changes from volcanic sex and attraction to seeing the person next to you in bed every morning. Living the day to day life is very different from that fantastic surge of passion that brought you together.
And so you tell yourself that a new relationship will not stay new forever and you could find yourself just as unhappy when that newness is gone. Another made-up excuse.
You’re afraid. Just plain scared. It’s not easy to find the right one for you, and so when you sit down and think about it too long you can talk yourself right out of splitting up and run back to safety very fast.
There’s also the money issue here. No matter how rich you are, you always have more staying in the marriage than you will getting a divorce. Property settlements can go on for years when no one agrees, or one of believes herself to be in the right. When children are involved it can get even dicier and who gets the kids and when can be a major stumbling block.
Instead of toughing through it and working out a fair agreement, you retreat from the battle and go back to your safety cave. God help you when you come to find that that cave is not so safe at all and that it is in fact a prison you’ve put yourself in.
All in all.
Even though I’ve painted some very real reasons why a person would want to stay vs. leave a less-than-happy relationship, it still does not make sense to go back and try again when you already know the results of what happened the first time around.
People are cautious about the wrong things many times in life, and the truth of the matter is that the second time that a relationship fails it will have reached the point of no return and perhaps nothing at all can be salvaged – not even friendship.